Capital Lies (Their First Lady Book 3) Page 13

  “Have you talked to him about this?”

  “Yes. We had a huge fight last night.” I sipped my coffee and took a huge bite of the cinnamon roll. It was warm and sugary and everything I wanted. “Actually,” I said with my mouth still full, “that’s not true. We didn’t fight. I yelled and he just mostly listened.”

  “Uh-huh,” Jolene nodded. “So, he isn’t sure about you guys inviting Preston into your relationship, and he’s waffling between yes and no, and it’s leaving you hanging.”

  I nearly choked. I coughed up my cinnamon roll and then took a big swig of coffee to wash it all backdown, pounding my chest with my fist.

  “I don’t—”

  Jolene leveled me with her glare. “Look, Tessa, we’re friends. I love Libby and my job, and I like you. I wouldn’t do anything to piss off the president, nor would I do anything that would jeopardize my relationship with Preston and Libby. I’m not going to tell anyone anything. There is something going with the three of you.”

  Snippets of news headlines flashed through my mind about the president being a pervert with the vice president. It was a mistake. I never should have come. I pushed back from the stool. Not entirely sure what I was going to do.

  “What?” I laughed nervously. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

  “Have a seat, Tessa. It’s okay. I could tell from the moment I met you that you and Preston were a thing, or at least you had been at some point. I’m not saying you wouldn’t care about Libby otherwise, but that little girl really matters to you because her dad really matters to you.”

  “I—uh . . .” My head spun with what to say. I felt dizzy and horrified. And then I looked at her face. It was . . . nothing. It was just Jolene’s face. Not disgusted or judgmental. The bottom line was that she knew, and I didn’t feel like she was going to hurt anyone with that information. I exhaled. “It’s true.”

  “I know,” she said with sassy confidence. “I also knew about Annabelle’s relationship with Cal and Preston too, so this isn’t even new to me.”

  “You did?” I sat back down, the weight of the world suddenly off my shoulders. “And you don’t think it’s insane?”

  “Oh now, I didn’t say that,” she said, a bit of her southern twang coming out. “But what I do know is that people love who they love, and that’s the way it should be. I don’t have to understand it or feel it to know it’s real. Annabelle was my best friend. I’m not going to judge a grown adult for sleeping with whatever consenting adult she wants to. And I’m not going to judge anyone for feeling a deep and fulfilling love like that.”

  I was speechless. I just nodded my head, blowing out a breath, trying to slow down my racing heart.

  “I don’t know Cal or even Preston that well, but it’s clear they like this kind of relationship. My guess would be after things didn’t work out with Annabelle, they never thought they’d meet a woman who accepted them for who they are and would want what they want. I’m guessing that’s why two good-looking, kind, and wealthy men have been single for so long.”

  One of them made a deal with the devil and the price was marrying me. Why else would Cal agree to give up on love? Perhaps he never thought he’d get what he wanted romantically, so he would get what he wanted in his career.

  “I hadn’t thought about that before.” Jolene was blowing my mind with her viewpoints.

  It made sense, but I would have to ask him it get the truth from his perspective.

  “So, what is the issue? You want it, Preston wants it, but Cal is the in-betweenie?”

  I snorted. “The what?”

  “The in-betweenie. You know. He’s teetering back and forth between yes and no.”

  “To cut to the chase, yes. He acts like we can be in this relationship together, the three of us. Things, uh, . . . happen between us. But then he started acting like it wouldn’t happen, so I confronted it and he dropped some truth bombs on me. And I just don’t know where to go with it.”

  “What do you want?” she asked me point blank.

  “I want both of them. I fell in love with Preston first—” I paused, realizing I almost made a mistake about the timelines of our relationship. “It was sort of a whirlwind thing. But I ended up loving both of them. More than anything. I would marry both of them if I could.”

  “But you married Cal. Any reason?”

  “It’s more complicated an answer than it’s worth explaining. But yes, I married him. And he married me knowing about Preston already. This isn’t news.”

  “So, what is your question, Tessa? I don’t understand. If you just want to vent and for me to listen, I can absolutely do that. But it seems like you are struggling and want answers. If I’m off base, just tell me and I’ll shut up and just listen.”

  I looked down at my plate, wishing I didn’t want to cry. Poking the last bit of my cinnamon roll with a fork. “I don’t know what to do. I . . . I love them both. And I think about what my family would think. How I could navigate that. I’m Italian. My family wouldn’t understand. Hell, I barely understand. And I’m married. A married woman, with a boyfriend. How does that look when my husband is the President of the United States? And that boyfriend is his single father, billionaire Vice President that happens to be a Fitzgerald.

  “And that man I’m married to acknowledges what’s real between the three of us, then turns around and says it won’t last. And the other man I love wants to try. He was willing to give up everything for me. All of it. The way he was for Annabelle. And he doesn’t think twice about sharing me with Cal. He wants us to be together.” I stopped for a moment, and looked up, meeting Jolene’s eyes and asked her, “What do you think I should do? If I were Annabelle, what would you tell me?”

  I set the fork down on the plate. Jolene picked it up and dumped them in the sink. She turned around and met my eyes as she said, “I’d tell you to do what you want before you die of cancer.”

  I coughed, feeling like I was choking on air. I didn’t have anything to say to that. Not because it was so straightforward, which it was. But because it was true. It was painfully true, and I could feel an ache in my chest as I thought of all the things Luciana missed out on. I was living for the both of us, and I didn’t want to waste it being angry or wishful.

  When I was lost in my own thoughts Jolene went on. “Annabelle missed out on the loves of her life because of social conventions and economic status. Was it worth it?” Jolene splayed her hands as if she was really thinking about it. “It’s not like Annabelle was an unhappy person. She had Libby, and she was grateful for the time she was given. And that time wasn’t near enough. She deserved more.”

  I had to hold back tears. Tears for Annabelle. Tears for Cal and Preston. Tears for Luciana. Tears for me. I was lucky enough to have two wonderful men love me, I shouldn’t have been letting anything stop me. Jolene and I shared a knowing look. We were both reliving a loss.

  “I can’t help but feel this emptiness for her. This deep, profound sadness,” I whispered. “I can’t help but think Annabelle could’ve had it all.”

  “Somehow, she would’ve found a way,” Jolene said. “That girl had drive. If she wanted something, she went for it. But the truth of it was that Cal was scared of the social convention, and at times, so was she. It’s not okay to be with two people, says society. It’s taboo. That’s why things didn’t work out for the three of them. The way she talked about their relationship. She loved them. She loved them the way you love them. I know it’s real. I don’t have to have experienced it to know that much,” she said, looking down at the counter like she was trying not to cry. She took a breath and brought her head back up. “But it didn’t work out. Some relationships don’t. And then Preston’s family—the bunch of twats that they are—they did everything in their power to keep Preston and Annabelle apart. And they succeeded. For what? Some dirty secret past that wasn’t even hers. It haunted her, and it scared her, but was it the right choice now looking back? Knowing how it all ended, was it
all worth it? I don’t know. And none of us ever will.”

  I sagged against the counter and fought the urge to rest my head in my arms. I was tired and Jolene was making me confront my bullshit head-on. I’d only had one cup of coffee, and this was a wine conversation if there ever was one, but it was far too early for that hangover.

  “I do tend to think about things I wish I had done or had done better.”

  Jolene nodded her head. “People on their deathbed never talk about regretting the love of their life. They wish they had more time with the ones they loved. Even if they loved well and lived long, it’s never enough time. People regret the things they didn’t do. My advice to you is to take some time to think about this. Who you want to be. What kind of life do you want to be living? And is it worth it to give a fuck what anyone else thinks of it? In the end, it’s what you want and what you think that matters.”

  Chapter 17

  Things remained stagnant between Cal and me. I had meetings of my own to attend, projects I wanted to work on, and preparations for my upcoming role as First Lady. I was keeping myself busy and trying not to let my desires for the poly relationship to consume my life.

  Cal had made it clear what he did or didn't want.

  Jolene’s words often played in my mind and I had to decide what was important to me. My family was, of course. They just wanted me to be happy, but I don’t think this was what they meant. Cal and Preston were important too. The real question was if Cal decided he didn’t want to invite Preston into our relationship fully, would I be willing to accept that answer? And if the answer was no, did I just live my life seeing Preston in secret?

  Despite my attempts at busying myself for a distraction, I found myself focusing on nothing but. Luciana had been on my mind more than usual too. I always thought about her, but those were always background thoughts. These new feelings were plaguing me because it felt as if I were letting her down.

  I should’ve never let myself forget that I was living for the both of us. If anyone should remember how precious and fleeting life was, it was me. And somehow, I’d forgotten. It took Annabelle’s death and Jolene reminding me to get my focus back on track.

  I wasn’t going to let either of them down. I was going to live because they couldn’t.

  Even if it crushed me to do it.

  I had all these thoughts swirling through my head as I sat in the living room and waited for Cal to come home. The television was on for background noise, but I wasn’t really watching it. On my lap was my plate of leftovers from Jolene that I’d warmed up.

  My heart hammered in my chest when I heard Cal at the door. I worried I’d lose all of my nerve and not be able to say the things I needed to say.

  “Hi,” Cal said as he hung his raincoat on the hook.

  “Hey.” I tossed my fork down realizing I’d somehow eaten my whole plate of pot roast without even realizing it.

  “What’s wrong?” Cal had hardly gotten through the foyer and over to me before he asked. I even had the lights on low in the apartment, but he knew me too well.

  “Nothing.” I shook my head and pushed the plate away from me and set it on the coffee table.

  Cal crossed the room and looked at me, taking a seat by my side.

  “Then why is your forehead all scrunched up?” He lightly tapped a finger to my furrowed brow before loosening his tie from around his neck.

  Cal smiled and sat closely next to me. He draped his arm across my shoulders and relaxed into the couch. I could see the tension from the stress of his new job rolling off of him. He’d had a long day, I didn’t doubt that, but he loved what he did. He was happy, in a good mood even. He didn’t know all the things I’d been thinking. He didn’t know there were still so many things I wanted to talk about with him. He didn’t know what I was about to tell him.

  The most pressing issue I wanted to discuss was what I overheard from my father. I wasn’t sure if he needed to know, and he loved his job so much, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

  I wanted everything aired out between us.

  I turned the TV off and brought my legs up on the couch so I could turn and face him completely.

  “What’s up, Tessa?”

  “I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while now. There’s never a good time for . . . not necessarily bad news, different news, but I’ve been holding on to this and you said you didn’t want any secrets. And I honestly don’t want any secrets either. It’s a burden.”

  Cal pulled his arm back and turned to face me. His eyebrows were knitted together, and he held his jaw tightly shut. He was bracing himself for the worst.

  “No, I don’t want any secrets. What happened?” He pulled his baby blue tie off and tossed it on the coffee table and then loosened the top two buttons of his shirt.

  “After the election, when we were at my parent’s house celebrating—” I paused to swallow and wanting to delay crushing Cal. He worked so hard for this. I didn’t want him to be disappointed. No matter what, I was biased, but I still believed he had deserved to win. “When I went to the bathroom, I passed my father’s office. I overheard him on the phone essentially saying he rigged the election. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how. It’s been tearing me up, and I’m sorry I kept that from you.”

  Just saying it out loud made me feel better. There weren’t going to be secrets between us anymore. Damn, Cal was right. No secrets was the way to live.

  “That’s what’s been bothering you?” He looked at me like I morphed into a whole different person while sitting in front of him. “Tessa,” he laughed. “Your family is the mafia. Of course, that’s what happened.”

  Not that I wanted Cal to be upset, but his reaction was not at all what I had been expecting. This had been eating at me, worrying about what it would do to his confidence and how he would feel about me because it was my family. He couldn’t have been more nonchalant about it.

  “I didn’t want you to think you didn’t do this on your own merit. I saw your supporters firsthand and they are crazy about you. This country loves and supports you. And you did that.”

  “Tessa.” Cal smiled, palmed my cheek, and ran his thumb across the smooth skin. “I don’t care whose merits they were.”

  I was shocked. “You . . . what?”

  Cal relaxed back into the couch, his dark eyes focused on nothing in particular. “I made a deal with the mafia. I knew who I was getting into bed with when I did.” He shrugged. “The goal was to do good while in the office and help as many people as I can. Create policies that help the people in this country. Improve the economy and create jobs. This is all I have ever wanted, Tessa. I was willing to do whatever I had to, and I did. But I did it for a good purpose.”

  “I’m not sure what to say,” I admitted. “I thought you’d be upset.”

  “I’m not,” he replied. “I never asked Bruno the details. It was a need to know basis.”

  I nodded my head and sighed. “Okay. So that’s that.”

  “Look at me, Tessa,” he said, and I complied. “For a long time, I worried about the deal I made. I had second thoughts, many, many times. I knew what it meant. I questioned my ethics, naturally, because I knew how wrong it was. But I don’t regret it now. I have you, and I couldn’t have imagined it would be this wonderful. So, I’m glad I made that deal all those years ago.”

  Cal nudged my head onto his chest. He was warm, and despite the taut muscles of his chest, it was so comfortable to be with him like that. I couldn’t deny how much I loved him, I never would. But things needed to change between us too. And Cal seemed to need something big to happen to get him to make that change.

  If he was willing to change at all.

  “I’m glad you did too.”

  He kissed my hair and tightened his arms around me. “Are there any more secrets?” he asked.

  “Just a question right now.”

  I moved out of Cal’s arms and stood up. Cal just watched as I moved to the other side of t
he coffee table to face him. He leaned back and stretched his arm out across the back of the couch.

  “Go on,” he urged.

  “I want a relationship with you and Preston. Preston does too. I have to know where you stand.”

  Cal leaned his head back on the couch and sighed before looking up. “Are we doing this again?”

  “I just need a no bullshit answer, Cal. No going in circles. Just an answer. Do you want a relationship with Preston and I?”

  He took a moment before answering. “Yes, I do. More than you know.”

  I felt my heart leap in my chest. “Really? We’re going to do this?” I asked, the elation in my voice was impossible to hide.

  “No,” he said. “It’s just not possible anymore.”

  I nodded. My heart sank to my stomach. I felt a twisting knot forming, and the emotion swelled up inside me, threating to come out in buckets of tears. He would not choose us. I closed my eyes because looking at him hurt too much.

  “Is that all? Are we done having this conversation?” he asked me.

  “No . . . just one more thing.” I took in a deep breath, opened my eyes, then I said, “I am going to leave you when your presidency is over.”

  Cal sat up and blinked at me blankly. “What was that?”

  I fidgeted with my hands but managed to hold his gaze. “I don’t know if you’ll be president for one term or two, but when you are no longer the president, I’m going to leave you. I’ll fulfill my obligation to my family, and I will uphold the duties of the First Lady. No one will ever know.”

  Cal laughed and I wasn’t sure if it was him trying to keep his cool in a situation where he was so clearly out of control or if he has snapped and didn’t know how to properly react anymore.

  I folded my arms across my chest while Cal sat on the couch and watched me with laser focus. “I’m being serious, Cal. My sister never had a chance to live her life. And Annabelle only got to have half of a life.”